Our Bodies, Our Daughters

Happy Holidays

2011-12-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

The holidays are here! Its hard to believe that the day to day business of life can add up to so many month--so quickly!--since my last post.

My days have been filled with work in my practice of psychotherapy, and also with increasing responsibility for my elderly parents. I'm aware that my children are watching me assume the role of caring for my parents. It's important to me that they witness the cycle of life that starts with parents caring for children, and ends with children caring for parents. I want them to learn that it's all in the name of love, and love is what makes a family, whether it's a biological family or a chosen family of friends.

I'm learning first-hand how important self-care is for caretakers. I've been trying to eat healthily, but sometimes it's hard to find time to sit down and have a meal. Eating on the run is usually not a good idea, as it just leads to more stress, like spilling things or not being mindful of the food we eat. Not making time for exercise is also a bad idea, as stress builds up in the body and needs to be released physically. I exercise to MANAGE STRESS!!! Some days all I have time for is a 20 second downward dog, but even that can be a lifesaver to me. And taking time to think or read--quiet time--is also such an important way to balance the stress of having to be "on call" for loved ones.

So this holiday season, I'm going to focus on appreciating my body and myself more. I think this is an important part of self-care. We may not look like the "perfect" ideal that we see in magazines, but we look perfectly like ourselves, and that's got to be okay. Sometimes the stress of the holidays can throw us off track. We make the holidays lovely for our families and friends, and that's wonderful--but let's not forget about making the holidays lovely for ourselves! Take time to eat healthily. Take time to exercise. Take time for yourself. Go out to lunch or tea with your girlfriends. Buy yourself a little treat when you're shopping for everyone else. Luxuriate in a bubble bath at the end of a long day. Have your partner or good friend massage your feet. Make self-care a holiday present for yourself. And don't forget, your daughters are watching--and learning from--you.

I WISH A PEACEFUL HOLIDAY SEASON TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

All best,

Jill

A Spring Reflection

2011-04-05T11:01:00.001-07:00

It's spring, and like many people, I've been thinking alot about fresh starts. Specifically, I've been thinking of the fresh starts that parents and children make together. Our babies are born and they change our lives in so many ways. As children grow up, parents are faced with the difficult task of guiding them and at the same time letting them find their own selves, their own destinies. And sometimes things go off track so that we have to help them pick up the pieces and move on to a stronger place. It is daunting to be a parent, especially when your child is troubled.

I talk to girls all day, write about issues that girls deal with--and yet I have raised 3 wonderful sons, not daughters. And all of them have faced challenges. My oldest son is actually a stepson, and he struggled to find a career path. He majored in political science, then got an M.F.A., then worked as a firefighter and a paramedic--and is now a married father of an adorable son, and is happy and successful as a goldsmith and jewelry designer. Everything worked out. My 2 younger sons have also dealt with different issues, and have emerged as grounded, secure, thoughtful young men who are at the cusp of their adulthoods. They are on their way, their eyes are bright.

But each relationship has changed and grown throughout the years. There have been numerous new beginnings. And I think this is true for many parents. Sometimes, lots of advice and direction is needed, as can be the case when your child is struggling . Sometimes, it's better to be quieter and more of a listener to your child as she tries to figure things out.

In any case, it's impossible to be a perfect parent. It's impossible to be omnipotent and all-knowing when it comes to your children. It's impossible to shield them from harm's way. I often tell parents that when their child is struggling, that things usually work out fine if the child gets what she needs. In other words, perfection isn't necessary, but letting a child know that she is loved and giving her the resources she needs to tackle her problem is something parents can do to encourage success.

So if you think your daughter is not responding to you in the positive way she used to, try a new beginning. Ask her if she could change something about your relationship, what would it be? That can be a good starting place to talk about how things are going between the two of you, and what improvements can be made. Your daughter may ask for things that you can't or won't be able to change, but the dialogue can open up more positive, honest communication.

If things aren't going well between you and your daughter and she won't talk to you, don't let fights and bad feelings linger. Set a limit if you have to, and stick to it. Then go bake her some cookies or bring home a book she might like from the library. And don't forget to pick up some tulips for yourself on your way home!

Another Body Image Revolution!

2010-10-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

Great news! The Body Image Revolution is starting Series 2 today!

Check it out at: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=65500&c=ib&aff=125547" target="ejejcsingle

Warm Regards,

Jill

Helping Our Daughters

2010-09-10T08:53:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone,

I know it's been too long since I've posted anything, but the end of summer has been a busy time, as it is for most people. I've been busy clearing things out--taking bags of stuff to the Salvation Army, pulling weeds from my garden, trying to de-clutter a couple of rooms in my house. As I write this, I can't help but think that clearing things out is not just important on a physical level, but on mental and emotional levels as well. I realize that I've also cleared out some thoughts that have been like weeds in my life for a long time. It's like I took a step back and thought, "What is in this thought that supports who I am? What is in this thought that upsets me? Is it worth my sense of well-being to continue thinking this thought?" Periodic weeding of my thoughts-garden is important for me so that I can keep my true spirit alive and continue to grow and thrive as a person. It's best to uproot creeping negative thoughts early so they don't take hold and spread!

What does this have to do about body image and helping our daughters? Well, I think that negative body image is often fueled by negative thoughts about ourselves and our bodies. The same is true for our daughters. If we see our daughters, or any girl or young woman that we love, comparing herself to others or criticizing her appearance, it's important to step in--not in an intrusive or critical way, but in an open, helpful way. It could help to tell your daughter that she is beautiful the way she is, and then let her know that you think a part of her appearance is especially pleasing. As one of the girls says in my book, Picture Perfect, "Everyone gets a prize." It can help to talk to your daughter about her "prizes," and that whatever she considers to be negative about herself isn't half as important as her "prizes," which can include lots of things besides her appearance. In this way, you can help her weed out her negative thoughts about herself, and help her plant some new, self-accepting seeds. Of course, it's important to tend the garden of your own thoughts about yourself too!

Have a great rest of the summer!

Jill

2010-07-19T06:44:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,
First of all, I'm so excited to have some new followers on my blog. Thank you, everyone!

I have had an amazing experience being part of the Body Image Revolution Telesummit. Last Saturday, I enjoyed talking to Sandy Kumskov (in Australia!) and taking questions from wonderful women from around the world. The comments about my interview on the site touched my heart and made a few things clear to me:

1. Women want to know more about how develop a good body image.

2. Women want to know more about self-care.

3. Women want to be supported, and to support each other, as they strive to take care of themselves.

4. Women want to know how they can support their daughters' positive body images.

5. Women want to learn how to place more importance on self-care and inner well-being, and less importance on the numbers on a scale or the expectations of others.

These issues are so very important as we strive to feel good about ourselves and raise healthy, confident daughters--and the Body Image Revolution shows that many women around the world are passionate about them!

I was happy to learn that many of the women listening to my interview were interested in using meditation as part of self care. Meditation is my go-to self care skill for when I'm feeling exhausted and drained--I feel rested and peaceful afterwards, like I've gotten a good night's sleep. There are many meditation techniques, and I'd like to share a simple

one:

1. Seat yourself in a comfortable position (you can also just lay the floor)

2. Close your eyes and breathe in and out through your nose.

3. Think about your breath going in and out of you.

4. When your mind wanders, which it will, just gently focus your attention back on your breath.

Start with 5 minutes and build up to 20 or more.

There are also books on meditation techniques, and some good info on www.yogajournal.com. I hope this is helpful for those of you who have never tried to meditate before. I learned to meditate from a meditation teacher in the Chicago area, Neela Bindu. You might be interested in checking out her website, www.progressivelifetherapy.com.

I plan to write posts at least once month on different topics of self care for women--or more often if I have the inspiration!

Again, thank you for joining my blog.

Sincerely,

Jill

My first blog!

2010-07-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I've never set up a blog before, but I felt inspired to do this because of an exciting event coming up on July 17-28. It's an international telesummit called The Body Image Revolution and I'm so proud to be on the panel of experts that will discuss how women can stop fighting with their bodies and feel good about themselves.

If you would like to join in this amazing experience, click or copy and paste this link.

https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=65500&c=ib&aff=125547" target="ejejcsingle

I truly think that The Body Image Revolution will help women of all ages feel better about their bodies. And when women feel better about their bodies, they pass along good body image feelings to their friends--and most importantly--their daughters!

Please join me in this groundbreaking event and follow my blog by clicking on the follow button on the right-hand side of this page. As a thank you for signing up, I am sharing several of my articles about body image, including my 5 Tips That Will Help Girls Feel Better About Their Bodies that you can share with the tween or teenage girls in your life. There also is an article about women, the media and body image. Click here to download these articles.

Also, if you haven't already, visit my website at www.jillzimmermanrutledge.com for more info about me! You can check out my two books on amazon.com, Picture Perfect: What You Need to Feel Better About Your Body , and Dealing With The Stuff That Makes Life Tough: The Ten Things That Stress Girls Out and How To Cope With Them.

Warm regards,

Jill Zimmerman Rutledge, LCSW