A Spring Reflection

It's spring, and like many people, I've been thinking alot about fresh starts. Specifically, I've been thinking of the fresh starts that parents and children make together. Our babies are born and they change our lives in so many ways. As children grow up, parents are faced with the difficult task of guiding them and at the same time letting them find their own selves, their own destinies. And sometimes things go off track so that we have to help them pick up the pieces and move on to a stronger place. It is daunting to be a parent, especially when your child is troubled.

I talk to girls all day, write about issues that girls deal with--and yet I have raised 3 wonderful sons, not daughters. And all of them have faced challenges. My oldest son is actually a stepson, and he struggled to find a career path. He majored in political science, then got an M.F.A., then worked as a firefighter and a paramedic--and is now a married father of an adorable son, and is happy and successful as a goldsmith and jewelry designer. Everything worked out. My 2 younger sons have also dealt with different issues, and have emerged as grounded, secure, thoughtful young men who are at the cusp of their adulthoods. They are on their way, their eyes are bright.

But each relationship has changed and grown throughout the years. There have been numerous new beginnings. And I think this is true for many parents. Sometimes, lots of advice and direction is needed, as can be the case when your child is struggling . Sometimes, it's better to be quieter and more of a listener to your child as she tries to figure things out.

In any case, it's impossible to be a perfect parent. It's impossible to be omnipotent and all-knowing when it comes to your children. It's impossible to shield them from harm's way. I often tell parents that when their child is struggling, that things usually work out fine if the child gets what she needs. In other words, perfection isn't necessary, but letting a child know that she is loved and giving her the resources she needs to tackle her problem is something parents can do to encourage success.

So if you think your daughter is not responding to you in the positive way she used to, try a new beginning. Ask her if she could change something about your relationship, what would it be? That can be a good starting place to talk about how things are going between the two of you, and what improvements can be made. Your daughter may ask for things that you can't or won't be able to change, but the dialogue can open up more positive, honest communication.

If things aren't going well between you and your daughter and she won't talk to you, don't let fights and bad feelings linger. Set a limit if you have to, and stick to it. Then go bake her some cookies or bring home a book she might like from the library. And don't forget to pick up some tulips for yourself on your way home!